


Foreplay

by Ranrata



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-17
Updated: 2008-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-05 04:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranrata/pseuds/Ranrata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>House and Wilson become a stereotype.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foreplay

“_No_.”

“Come on, House.”

“How many times do I have to turn you down before your ego shatters? Go to sleep and shut up.”

“House.”

“Do it yourself.”

“It's not the same.”

“_It's not the same_. You lose points for lack of creativity.”

“It's been two weeks.”

“Did you nag your wives this much for sex?”

“I--”

“Stupid question. Of course not. Otherwise you'd still be married.”

“And for some reason I found your emotional abuse so very charming.”

“Damn! My rejection is turning you on.”

“Clearly, to get me to shut up, you have to give in.”

“Well, okay – oh, wait, I see what you're doing!”

“Almost worked.”

“Did not. Make friends with your right hand.”

“Left.”

“Whatever.”

“...”

“...”

“You know, statistically, by not having a TV in the bedroom, we should be having more sex.”

“You know, statistically, only Japanese couples have less sex than American ones.”

“I thought you were all about being different.”

“I was. Then I grew up.”

“If that's true, then why were you trying to grope me today?”

“Duh, you're a hot piece of ass I can't keep my hands off of.”

“...in front of your patient and his family?”

“I was making a point.”

“I'm afraid that point flew over my head.”

“That's why I just keep you around for the cooking. Not so much the cleaning – that's annoying. OCD much?”

“We could have been well on our way to orgasmic bliss by now.”

“Coulda, woulda, shoulda.”

“Yes, all three of those. Unfortunately, no did or doing or any tense of do.”

“Or any of the synonyms: screwing, fucking, copulating...”

“...making love, fornicating, sleeping together.”

“We'd be doing that last one if you'd shut up.”

“We'd also being doing that one if you'd stop stalling.”

“I said no.”

“Now, is that a serious 'no means no,' or a kinky 'no means yes take me now'?”

“It's no as in 'stop keeping the insomniac from sleeping.'”

“Well, if you're not going to be sleeping anyway...”

“Such a one-track mind, Wilson.”

“Funny, I used to say the same thing to you. I think that's false advertising.”

“If I crash my bike or kill a patient tomorrow, I'll blame you.”

“You will anyway.”

“True. But that's beside the point.”

“I think that was the entire point.”

“I thought the entire point was you trying to hump my leg. Which you can't do, because that hurts.”

“Fine.”

“You surrender?”

“I'll just hump some stranger's leg instead. So many sexy cancer patients to choose from...”

“Knock yourself out. Can't catch cancer from sex.”

“Too bad that's not true for herpes. Sucks for you.”

“...”

“...”

“Ha. Cancer Girl joke.”

“Good night, House.”

“...”

“...”

“That _was_ a joke. Right?”

“Yes.”

“Seriously?”

“...”

“Okay. Very funny. You win.”

“House, surrendering? Never.”

“Here I am. Ravish me all you want.”

“I don't know...”

“Oh, _come on_. You can't get me all worked up and--”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“...was this all foreplay?”

“And you just figured this out?”


End file.
